Subject: A Bricklayers Tale...

  Stop me if you've heard this one before...


  Dear Sir,
           I am writing in response to your request for additional
information on the accident reporting form.  I put 'Poor planning' as the
cause of my accident.  You have stated in your letter that I should explain
in more detail and I trust that the following will be sufficient:

  I am a bricklayer by trade.  On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six-story building.  When I had completed my
work, at approximately 4:45 in the evening, I discovered that I had about
500 pounds of bricks left over.  Rather than carry the bricks down by hand,
I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was
attached to the side of the building, at the sixth floor.

  Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel
out and loaded the bricks into it.  Then I went back down to the ground and
untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 500
pounds of bricks as I did not want them to become damaged and worthless.
However, as you will note from the accident reporting form, my weight is 135
pounds.  Due to my surprise at being jerked from the ground so suddenly, I
lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.

  Needless to say, I proceded up the side of the building at a rather rapid
rate.  In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was
proceeding downwards at an equally impressive rate of speed.  This explains
the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed
in Section III of the accident reporting form.

 Slowed only slightly, and constantly accelerating, I continued my ascent.
I was fortiously stopped when I rammed my hand two knuckles deep into the
pulley.  Luckily, by this stage I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope, inspite of the excruciating pain I was now
beginning to experience.  At approximately the same time however, the barrel
of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel along with
all of the bricks (see attached insurance claim form for damaged bricks.)
Now devoid of the weight of the aforementioned bricks, the barrel weighed a
mere 50 pounds.

  As you may well imagine, I felt some shock as I descended down the side of
the building.  In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
up.  This accounts for the two fractured ankles, one broken tooth and the
rather interesting collection of splinters I collected.  It is here that my
luck started to change slightly.  The encounter with the barrel seemed to
slow me down enough to lessen my impact on the bricks, saving some that
otherwise might not have been salvageable.  Also, it lessened my injuries as
fortunately, only three vetrebrae were cracked.

  I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks
in pain, unable to move and watching the barrel six stories above me, I
again lost my composure and let go of the rope.

  So it is, Sir, with the utmost respect that I yet again request 3 months
sick leave.

--contributed by Deth------